Random Thoughts of G^2: April 2012

2012-04-30

2012-04-26

2012-04-25

2012-04-23

2012-04-22

2012-04-21

2012-04-19

2012-04-18

2012-04-15

2012-04-14

2012-04-13

2012-04-12

The start of this year has been devastating for me. Actually, the gradual tailspin began in September of last year and then the crash began at the beginning of this year. It has been a long seven months and I feel that it is only going to get longer. What is that saying? "It will get worse before it gets better." That is what I feel is going to happen or is happening. The journey I feel is something similar to Andy Dusfrense's escape from Shawshank Prison, but instead of 500 yards to freedom, I am unable to see the end of the pipe I am crawling through. I cannot even see the light at the end because I still have my setbacks where I slide back into the darkness.

My friend Rebecca recommended I listen to this song by Sara Evans and after listening to it, I felt that hit the mark pretty dead on. I have been listening to this song for the last couple of days. Sometimes it is the only song I listen to because it inspires and helps me get through my day. I added it to my playlist for when I go running. I listen to it before I go to bed at night. It reminds me that as each day passes, even though I do not feel like it, that I am getting better, that I am getting stronger even when I do have my moments where I do slide backwards.

One of these days I will feel better about things, about how I feel and maybe, just maybe the constant emptiness that I feel in my chest will begin to fade. Then maybe I will feel like I am slowly healing or at least starting to heal.

"I know my heart will never be the same, but I'm telling myself that I'll be okay. Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."

2012-04-11

Two Halves & a Whole

What I Thought

When we were dating, I just had this feeling that she was "the one" and I told her that I could see myself growing old with her. When we were married, this is the song that I was thinking about because it showed best my commitment and how far I would go for her.

In the end, it turned out to be like she told me on our wedding day. "The more you know it is about me, the better off you will be."

She was right. I was wrong and here I am.

2012-04-09

Another Half Wish...

Another Half Wish

Her Anthem

Listening to this song by Kelly Clarkson I can see her telling me this over and over since she wanted to give up on our marriage instead of trying to work things out with me. It was always one excuse after another after holding all of my mistakes so that she could throw them back at me at her leisure. Instead of forgiving and moving on in the end, she was "Already Gone".